Zucchini Economy

I was just ruminating on what our world would be like if we had a zucchini economy. Here’s what I mean: in the last several weeks I’ve been the benefactor of one of my friends over-producing zucchini plants.  My friends begged me to take all the squash in their garden. “We can’t use it. We’ve eaten all we want. We’ve frozen more, and we’ve made more zucchini bread than we can stand. Please take it!”  So I did. And have been enjoying it all week, even enhancing my own generosity. This week I’ve been happily thinking about all the zucchini cookies and bread I can share with friends. Juxtapose this with listening to the endless stream of news about the economy. My hubby insists that this is mostly a redistribution of wealth. Money doesn’t just disappear, is his logic. So my thought is: What if we treated our money like we treat our zucchini. Sure, take what you need. Save a little back, and then give it away. “Please, take this. I don’t need it. I have everything I can use.” I realize that this smacks of socialism, which is apparently nearly a curse word these days. And I realize that this idea requires human beings to be more than greedy and selfish, but just for a moment, I’m going to pretend that maybe it’s not true, and we really could live this way. The vision is nearly as beautiful as that backyard garden that has generously provided me with all the zucchini I can use.

(and in a mildly related vein— a friend of mine just posted this to facebook and I thought it was completely worth reposting here).

Patriotism
by Ellie Schoenfeld
My country is this dirt
that gathers under my fingernails
when I am in the garden.
The quiet bacteria and fungi,
all the little insects and bugs
are my compatriots. They are
idealistic, always working together
for the common good.
I kneel on the earth
and pledge my allegiance
to all the dirt of the world,
to all of that soil which grows
flowers and food
for the just and unjust alike.
The soil does not care
what we think about or who we love.
It knows our true substance,
of what we are really made.
I stand my ground on this ground,
this ground which will
ultimately
recruit us all
to its side.

“Patriotism” by Ellie Schoenfeld, from The Dark Honey. © Clover Valley Press, 2009.

The World Breaks Everyone

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong in the broken places.”- Ernest Hemingway.

Part of the above quote was a sermon title written by a good friend of mine and posted on her blog. I’ve been thinking about it all week. I even wrote it on a post-it, which I’ve stuck to various parts of my desk the last few days. For some weeks I’ve been teetering on the edge of despair. Financial stress, job stress (like will I still have my job in a year) and the fact that I am again facing a wave of friends moving on and away, has placed me on a kind of roller coaster of hope and despair.

When I reach that level of despair I cling desperately to the things I’m good at. I’ve made lots of healthy meals lately. I dive into and devour books. Recently, I have on numerous occasions talked about the indescribable joy that spiritual direction brings me.  Sometimes I feel like I am most myself when I’m giving spiritual direction. I can let my intuitive sense run to it fullest capacity without sheltering it or myself from the insights I recieve.

Which is why today, I think the world broke me. Here is some background: I graduated seminary three years ago, at the age of 25. I was one of two 25 year olds in my graduating class. In my final year of seminary I heard, on more occasions that I can count, that it will be difficult for me to find a job as pastor, because of my gender and my age. And in part due to that, I decided to put that ministry on hold for a while. I found another job (which I enjoy, I really do) and have put my formal ministry efforts into volunteering at my church and spiritual direction. I have heard from a few new directees that my age is a bit off-putting to them at the beginning. But usually (I hope) my skills and gifts have overshadowed my age once they got to know me. However, today, I was out and out rejected by someone, who hadn’t even met me yet, because of my age.

It hurts on a level I can barely explain. It brings up all those old wounds, the  district overseer who looked me straight in the eye and said, “Wouldn’t it be a good idea for you to get another job first, before you try to become a pastor?” (FYI- this is not good pastoral care for a third year seminary student), the pastor of my home congregation who “forgot” to schedule me to preach a sermon, the well-meaning female professor who told all the female students that it took women twice as long to get jobs as their male colleagues. Up until today, I felt like maybe I was finally healing from that pain, but maybe not.

Sometimes I feel like we live in a world obsessed with packaging. Our food comes in brightly colored boxes and neat plastic wrappings. There are literally millions are articles written about appearance (most of them directed at women). We are told over and over that what’s on the outside will tell us whether what’s on the inside is good.

I have gifts and talents for ministry. I know I do. I know because I just know, and I know because other people have told me, but because I don’t come in the expected package… I’m not male, I’m not middle-aged or older, I’m not even tall, and I don’t have a deep voice, somehow what’s on the outside has overshadowed everything that’s on the inside.  All the God-given talent and ability in the world can’t seem to break free of that outer package.

I want to live in the reality of the second half of that Hemingway quote, about growing back stronger. But right now, honestly I don’t know how. I’m not a quitter, but sometimes I don’t want to be a fighter either. And mostly, I’m just tired of the fact that being me, somehow isn’t enough.

Updating my 101 List

Okay, so I realized today that I’ve done some of the things on my 101 things in 1001 days list that I have accounted for.

Here they are (in no particular order)

#23- Host Sunday lunch- on Sunday we hosted our church for Sunday lunch. Each Sunday we have a meal after church sometimes its in someone’s home, sometimes its at the church. This Sunday we hosted. Because it’s July there were only 26 people in church, but 23 of them came to my house for lunch. It was a very interesting challenge finding sitting spaces for all those folks.

#26- Visit a zoo or aquarium- I want to go to more than one, but last weekend we visited the Columbus Zoo in Ohio with B’s sister, who has a pass. We didn’t have much time (only 2 hours for the whole zoo) but it was fun anyway.

#28- Plant a garden. I don’t know if what I have qualifies as a garden or not, but I do have containers of mint, basil, tomatoes and peppers on my deck. It’s as much of a garden as I”m going to get this year.

#39- Create a reading corner in my house- I bought a chair for the particular corner I was thinking about and put a lamp in it and fluffed it out with blankets and pillows, but I haven’t done much reading there. Maybe this winter when its too cold to read on the deck, my current reading spot.

#44- Buy and use reusable grocery bags- I have not actually bought any bags, but I have acquired a number as free giveaways at various things. I’m working at remembering to use them. Of course the unplanned walmart trips with the hubby don’t lend themselves to reusable grocery bags, but hopefully I’ll get more and more used to carrying them with me. And if I totally ran out of plastic bags I wouldn’t have anything to clean out the litter box with, so I won’t be able to go totally plastic bag free I don’t think.

Things I feel mildly guilty about

1) Enjoying fireworks on the fourth of July. I know in my head that they simulate bombing and that our national anthem is all about war (do you think this might have shaped our national identity as a country constantly at war?) But all that aside, fireworks are really freakin’ cool.

2) Throwing away food. I still have some voice in my head that says that starving children in China could eat that, even through it’s moldy and I can’t tell what it is.

3) Leaving my cat at home alone. I know it’s pathetic.

4) Driving my car 2 blocks to the grocery store, or work, or any other place I could reasonably walk to.

5) Buying fresh produce in the off-season, because I know it comes from Chile or New Zealand or something.

6) Complaining about my job when I know I really need it and so many people don’t have them.

7) Buying and consuming things that are overpackaged, including but not limited to- bottled water, frozen dinners, fast food, and almost anything from a mega-store.

8 ) Not being more involved in politics.

9) Buying my clothing really cheap, because it was probably made by nearly slave labor in some Asian country.

10) Writing blog posts when I’m supposed to be working.

Learn to Crochet!(something useful)

The booties and hat I crocheted have turned into a useful (or at least semi-useful) items for Heidi Schoenhals. Congratulations to Mark and Sarah!

Ways my cat helps me to be an adult

People say that having children makes you more of an adult. And its true, most of the time. My brother might be the possible exception (love you, bro). I don’t have children, but in the last year I have acquired a cat, and she has made me more adult (and has been practice for someday having children). Here are some ways:

1. She doesn’t let me sleep in. At approximate 5:30 a.m. every morning my cat decides its time to wake up and do one of the following: scratch the brand new chair in the bedroom, sit on my chest and hit me in the nose with her paw, push the books off my dresser/nightstand/etc, climb behind the wooden blinds making them clack, or play with anything fragile I happen to have in the bedroom. One of these usually brings me to consciousness, at least long enough to yell at her.
2. She requires play. My cat requires a certain amount of playtime every day. I can’t just drift into my own world when I get home. And she makes it quite obvious if I’m not playing with her and she wants me to. (See above list re: knocking things over)
3. She never leaves me alone for long. I do not have one of those aloof cats that could care less if you’re around as long as she has food. My cat has to be where I am and doesn’t understand why she’s not the center of attention when I’m washing dishes, or working on the computer, or making dinner.
4. She is helping me learn how to not spoil a child. I admit that my cat is fairly spoiled. She has definite ways of making her wants and desires known. And she’s so darn cute that sometimes I want to give her treats just because… but in order to keep my own sanity I am learning how to not give in to everything she “asks” for.

#17 Learn to Crochet- getting there

Slowly, I’m learning to crochet. I have the book “The Happy Hooker” to thank for any success. It has great instructional sections and some super cute patterns in the back. The patterns for the above items, a baby present for a friend of mine, came from the internet, my new favorite source for free crochet patterns.

Saying No – FAIL

While Easter is still a few days away, I think it’s safe to say that I mostly failed at my attempt to give up saying “Yes” to things for Lent. Once or twice I thought about it but given my current level of energy I think it’s safe to say that I failed. Thank goodness for grace. Actually I knew this was going to be a problem because the weeks of Lent were already full of things I said “yes” to be before Lent began. Here’s the short list:

1. Worship hosting at The Table
2. Planning and executing a short dance workshop
3. Attending a Table retreat
4. Attending a Table Workshop
5. Helping plan things for all of the above
6. Writing something for another worship service (and attempting and failing to write something for a third)
7. Writing a business plan to attempt to get a bank loan
8. Meeting with bank after bank after bank and attempting to get a business loan
9. Attending Water Aerobics 1 or 2 nights a week most weeks
10. Working 28 hours this weekend for the furniture store- at the store or the Home and Garden show.

These of course do not count all the work projects, which have included completely revising the seminary catalog (online and paper version), putting together the booklet of courses for next year, helping to edit the commencement book, putting the senior profiles online, and countless other projects I can’t name here.  Perhaps the phrase “Just say no” would have been appropriate.
I did get the list of “ways to say no” from our prof of pastoral care. I’m going to list them  in case I lose the paper copy (and because I think it might be the most useful hand-out I ever got in seminary)

Nine ways to say no

If saying no is as hard for as it is for most people, here are a few ways to say no that might help you in the future:

1. Perfectly Valid No- I’ve been out three nights this week. I’m staying home and watching television with the kids.” Say it like you mean it.
2. No-After-Saying-Yes No- (would have been useful for me) I’ve made a mistake. I shouldn’t have committed myself. I’m sorry, I”ll have to back out.” Hang up the phone and give a huge sigh of relief.
3. Five-Star No- (This is my favorite: there’s no come-back for it) “I’ll have to pass it up.
4. No-Right-Now No- I’ve done it in the past and I’ll do it in the future, but I can’t do it right now.
5. Polite No- “I’m sorry, but my schedule doesn’t permit me to take on any more obligations this (pick one) week/month/year/decade.
6. No-Way No- This one is for the teenage son who want you to call your friends for a ride so he can have your care. Look directly in his eyes, smile and enunciate clearly. Say No.
7. Diplomatic No- “It was kind of you to think of me. I”m flattered you asked. I’m sorry I won’t be able to do it.
8. Cowardly No- Backed into a corner? Feeling low on energy or courage or both? Feeling somewhat desperate? Use this one: “My husband/mother/child doesn’t want me to do that.”
9. Absolute No- “I cannot do this. I don’t have the desire, the time, the interest, or the energy. NO, absolutely not, Never.” Save this one for special occasions.

I wish my best intentions had been put into action, alas, they were not and so now I am just waiting for the resurrection of four glorious days off work for Easter break.  Of course, there’s that sermon I have to write and probably something for Easter Sunday at The Table, and the house that needs spring cleaning, and all the things I have wanted to do that I couldn’t do for the last six weeks…

What to give up for Lent?

Today is the first day of Lent. I’m trying to decide what to give up, if anything. The purpose of giving up something for Lent I think has something to do with identifying with the suffering of Christ, although I wonder if giving up french fries or chocolate really helps me do that. I have a few brave friends who gave up Facebook for lent (and perhaps email?) which I can hardly imagine. My friends live in my computer, I think I would be quite lost without it. Perhaps that’s closer to the intended meaning but I can’t quite imagine myself doing that at the moment. I briefly considered giving up coffee but then thought that that was just too much sacrifice for my life too.

Last year I tried giving up something esoteric. I forget how exactly I worded it but it was something along the lines of giving up negative thoughts about myself. I failed miserably.

I have a friend who was considering trying to eat on $1 a day for Lent, but I really don’t think that would work for me. And I can’t fast because of blood sugar issues. I also toyed with the idea of giving up meat for Lent, but I’m not sure that’s something I want to impose on my husband and since I do all the cooking that would be required.

The best idea I’ve had so far is giving up saying yes to things I’m not completely and totally gung-ho about. However, since I have a church commitment almost every weekend from now until Easter (and I’m honestly not gung-ho about all of them) I can’t figure out whether that would mean I should back out of some, or just not say yes to anything new (which would be much easier because I’m already up to my eyebrows).

What do my esteemed and worthy blog readers think? Should I give something up? What should it be? What have you given up?

Oh and for fun with LOLcats and Lent click here (the comments are especially interesting)
PS I am not the “Mennocat” mentioned in the comments.

#34 New Restaurant: Napoli

Last week my friend Rachel asked me if there was another new restaurant I’d like to try and if I’d like her company for lunch. We decided to go to Napoli, a restaurant on the south-ish end of town. One of my co-workers goes there regularly with a group of women from church. Napoli, as you might have guessed is Italian. It must have been something else (like maybe a fast food joint) before. There are two entrances and a little pick-up window where you pay and order food to go.

The most daunting task about a new restaurant is looking over the menu. Napoli’s menu is huge, several pages of pastas, pizza and other italian goodies. In addition there were signs posted on the wall that reminded customers that they had new wrap sandwiches (as if we needed any more choices). I finally decided on manicoti and Rachel decided on baked ziti. (When trying a new restaurant I usually don’t order something new. Generally one new experience is about all I can handle at one time.)

The lunch menu, which is very reasonably priced, includes salad and bread, hot from the oven. It was great. My manicoti appeared to be homemade, because unlike the store-bought tube pasta it was hand-rolled pancake shaped pasta. It was excellent. Rachel and I both agreed that when we first got our meals we intended to take half home, but we enjoyed the food so much neither of us did.

Overall, this was an excellent dining experience. Dinner appeared to be a little more expensive, but lunch was an excellent meal for a very good price.