First, I must admit that I stole the title for this post from the pastor of a church I drive by every day. He has been titled his sermons how (not) to … This Sunday it was “How (not) to resist evil,” more provocative was the one from a few weeks ago titled “How (not) to vote.”
I led another worship service at The Table on Sunday. And I have been reflecting on my perfectionistic tendencies and how to keep them in check. This weeks service was good, but not great. And in case any of my planning group stumble on this site, you had nothing to do with it not being good. In fact the parts you led/planned etc were the good parts. I just wasn’t together this week. I think partially because I was sick, but not the definitive kind of sick. I had that horrible “am-I-really-sick-or-just-exhausted” sick. I was just completely unable to complete tasks or be motivated for anything. I even had trouble eating because I didn’t want to cook and I didn’t want to go anywhere to eat. It was that kind of sick. I finally gave in and took Friday off. And slept for a long time, which seemed to help. But all of this meant that I just had trouble getting creative. I reached the scary point where I wondered if I would ever have energy to be creative again. I hate that feeling.
Anyway, eventually I realized that its okay if every service I plan isn’t perfect. It’s hard for me to let go of my desire to creatively involved people in worship. And it’s hard for me to know that I stumbled over words, and didn’t think as carefully about scripture as I usualy. But as Alicia told me, I opened a space for people, and that’s the important part. Besides that, I’m not ultimately in charge of whether people worship or not, that’s between them and God. Perhaps I am growing… and have managed (not) to be a perfectionist. Wouldn’t that be something?
